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30 Things You Don’t Want To Hear In Surgery

  1. Better save that. We’ll need it for the autopsy.
  2. Someone call the janitor – we’re going to need a mop.
  3. “Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness”
  4. Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!
  5. Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what’s that?
  6. Hand me that….uh….that uh….thingie.
  7. Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.
  8. Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?
  9. Darn, there go the lights again…
  10. Ya know, there’s big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy’s got two of ’em.
  11. Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
  12. Could you stop that thing from beating? It’s throwing my concentration off..
  13. What’s this doing here?
  14. I hate it when they’re missing stuff in here..
  15. That’s cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!
  16. I wish I hadn’t forgotten my glasses.
  17. Well folks, this will be an experiment for us all.
  18. Sterile, shcmerile. The floor’s clean, right?
  19. Anyone see where I left that scalpel?
  20. And now we remove the subject’s brain and place it in the body of the ape.
  21. OK, now take a picture from this angle.
  22. This is truly a freak of nature.
  23. This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?
  24. Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?
  25. Don’t worry. I think it is sharp enough.
  26. What do you mean “You want a divorce”!
  27. She’s gonna blow! Everybody take cover!!!
  28. FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out now!!
  29. Darn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
  30. Anything! Period.

Back to Things To Do

Please Comment…


42 Responses

  1. ……….

    i have one

    can you hand me the lazer gun

    Sssaam: Lol!

  2. nice! what about….

    Lemme pop in this how-to video and we’ll get started!

    Sssaam: ROFL, that’s good!


  4. Lol I read them All their reaaalllyyy funny! I ❤ your blog!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


  5. howabout,

    Wait a second, That can’t be right where’s his heart?

  6. uh oh im having sugery in a few days. 😦
    2 more teeth ripped out and 1 isnt even poked through

  7. how bout…uhhh…whats his name…we gots the wrong guy!

  8. great! you’re my first patient since i got out of jail!

  9. i have two even though urs r good!

    Forget this patient’s surgery! Let’s go GOLFING!

    *NFL theme song*

  10. wait put that back in -or- is that suposed to bend like that -or “ring ring ring ” wait i got to take this.

  11. I’ve got one:
    “friends, family, we eat!”
    After reading this im creeeeeped out, im getting tonsilectmy this month *GULP*

  12. What? He’s only getting his tonsils removed? Oops…

  13. “Should we try it?”

  14. what about, “Oops”

  15. Here’s one!

    Mmm…I like eating your heart. Do you have another one?

  16. rofl this is hilarious!

    I have one:
    I hope you don’t mind but this might hurt……..a lot….

  17. lol heres one:
    How about handing me that white cutter thingy there and I can use it on this man here.

  18. Hey Sssaam, the post you just put up on 9:44 on March 31 says April 1.

    Sssaam: Yeah. WordPress starts their days at 6pm Central Time. If I post after 6, it will say I posted the next day.

  19. “Why is he waking up??? He should be dead by now.”

  20. ROFL, I looked up “Blog that rivals The Panic Button”… no results.
    Jjacobb-LOL! That’s hilarious!

  21. Kidneys? Oh well, the brain controls everything, it must be a brain surgery.

  22. Was that anastesia or hydrochloric acid? Well, if he lives…

  23. My best one:
    What do you mean, we forgot the anasthesia?

  24. Nice! How about:

    “What do you mean take the blade out of his kidney?”


    “THIS WAS A HEART TRANSPLANT?? Uh Oh. Nurse, is this guy insured?”

    LOL I like the second one.


  25. These are really funny

  26. Lol!

    How bout’…………

    Oh, that’ll leave a mark.
    Now draw a mustache!
    Was that a needle, or what I you to put dogs to sleep?


    Sam: Haha!

  27. Hey to find the authors copy the whole thing then put it in as a search on google and its right there.

  28. how about these!

    1:Woah! What is that green thing?

    2:Ok we took out the kidney….or is that the kidney?

    3:No,no,no,no your doing it wrong!Use this sharp ended thingy


  29. plz reply, u never reply to my comments! are you avoiding me 😦 😥

  30. number 23 especially works if the patient is a guy!

  31. That is so funny!
    Thanks for the laughs!

  32. I have one…

    “Uh oh… time for my 40 minute break. Wait, where the heck is his heart?!”

  33. i got one,

    “no, that doesn’t go there!”

  34. I got some:

    1. “Oops!”
    2. “Now gimme some Shaving Cream and a feather!”
    3. “Um….This guy’s insured…..right?”
    4. “OOH Great! My first patient! I’m so excited!!!”
    5. “Nah, he’ll be ok. I think I read somewhere they don’t need that.”

  35. and Some more:

    1. (Nurse) “Well, his brain might still be a little foggy, the amnesia is still wearing off.”
    (parent) “Don’t you mean anastesia?”
    (Nurse) “No.”

  36. The only thing I dont wanna hear during surgery is…

    “……uh oh……”

    or this
    “….hmm….this should be too hard…I play “Operation” like 3 times a week!”

  37. These are really great!!! I have a few more if you don’t mind:

    1.” What are the affects of severe internal bleeding?”
    2.” This would go great with cheese on pita bread!”
    3.” Hehe, his mom had a homing device installed.”
    4.” Hey, you heart keeps a steady beat. You want to join my rock band?????”

    Hope you liked these!!! God bless you.

  38. “Oh darn, dropped my cookie”

    “That’s not the ash tray? Oops”

    “Now we know not to do that”

    “Thank god we have a massive team of lawers. We’re gonna need ’em”

    “No, Bob, his colon goes down there”

    Hoped you liked em

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